#2

Our second child, a son is 4, almost 5.  Beginning last February (2007) we started down a rough road with him.  He was violent.  The first question people always ask me is, "What does he watch on TV."  To which I responded, "Sesame Street, Cyber Chase, BackYardigans, The UpsideDown Show," basically PBS and Noggin, nothing violent.  That is the time my husband relocated to our current location and we finished the school year and tried to sell our house, so I figured it was our son's way of dealing with Dad being gone for two weeks at a time, and the general turmoil in our lives.  I thought the violence would pass when we got back together again.  It didn't.  We made a big move, so I excused it again because it was a fairly traumatic event in the life of a 4 year old.

It got to a point where I felt like I was taking a pit bull to the playground.  I never knew what would set him off, so I was constantly on edge, afraid he would hurt someone badly.  One day, he pushed down an 18 month old neighbor, hitting her head on the corner of our flagstone step and had a giant goose egg on her forehead.  I was mortified.  The next day I made an appointment with two places to have him evaluated by a behaviorist and child psychologist.  

A few weeks later, I heard a piece on NPR about children and their play, and thought, "my kids rely too much on others to entertain them."  That happened to be the same day when I spoke with my dad and he mentioned how kids these days are severely lacking in interpersonal skills because they rely too heavily on video games and TV.  So I turned off the TV.  From then on, they watch maybe 2 hours a week.  

It was a night and day difference with #2.  He no longer lashed out at other kids.  He was no longer irritated by the tags in his shirts or underwear.  He didn't freak out if his socks had a wrinkle in them.  He did whine for the TV every so often, but now he rarely asks.  One of the professionals said that the way images on TV are made these days, sometimes children have a tough time integrating the brain activity while they're watching a show into their body and it causes them to become irritable and hyper-sensitive to things.  When I picked him up at camp today, he and some other kids were playing Candyland, so I waited while they finished.  He didn't win and was really disappointed, and went off and cried.  I know he's just tired from a full day of activities like he's never had before, and he likes to win, but the crying was nothing like a tantrum he might have thrown six months ago, and I'm so glad.  

I just checked on him, asleep, and just had to smile for the way things have turned out.  It seemed like a really rough spell with him, but now we get to enjoy each other.  He always asks me why words are what they are, so for his birthday I found a few etymology books for him, and he's excited about it.  Today he asked me if we could make strawberry jam again, and I am so excited to do that with him.   

My husband and I have struggled over sending him to kindergarten in the fall, and decided to keep him in preschool for one more year, and I am thrilled about that.  This week he's in summer camp.  When I pick him up after 3:30, I realized that we don't really have much time to do the fun things we like to do, like make jam, so I'm extra excited that we get another year to explore together.   

He's such a cool kid, I'm so glad he's mine.  

nighttime

It's 11:23 pm. according to my computer's clock, my french doors are open onto my balcony and there are birds chirping noisily in the tree on my street.  They seem to do this every night.  They're not owls, mind you, but actual songs and chirping.  I thought they only did this when the sun came up.  I wish I had a way to identify their calls.  Maybe they're telling me I should go to bed, tomorrow is Father's Day and my husband will be gone all day, so it's really "mother's day,"  I have a lot planned and ought to be well rested with lots of patience so I don't yell at three of the four people who are the most dear to me.  Thank you for beautiful reminders.  

Good night.

Blogging World

I have a friend/acquaintance who has a blog, so I decided to check out her links on the side.  I am curious to know if I am just overly paranoid, or if there are really freaks online who will look at pictures of my children (if I put them online) and track us down if I put too many distinguishing characteristics of us on my blog.  I know a lot of people who really put their life stories online, complete with photos and location.  Am I a paranoid freak for not trusting the mysteries of the online world with my life?  I certainly trust the web with my credit card information when I make purchases.

Young & Old

I don't feel old.  I feel like I'm relatively good with technology.  I know how to send an e-mail, write a blog, find pdf directions of how to put the new bed together, download books and music, etc.  I'm getting better at texting, thanks to my friend who has a real job, and can't always talk on the phone.  But do I need to get a Facebook/MySpace page?  I've never even been to those websites, ever.  (Like the people who say, "You have to watch out for pornography on the internet, sometimes it just jumps out at you and you can't get away fast enough."  When does this happen?  In my 15 years online, I've accidentally come across pornography once.  Yep, I was working in elections, looking for a legitimate website four previous, but had since been turned into a porno site.)  Are these two social webistes what separates the generations?  I'm not sure because my husband invited me to join his LinkedIn contacts.  But I haven't joined because I'm not really interested in networking, unless there are people who can tell me how to add more hours into the day so I can do my laundry, or help me keep my house in order while spending time with my children, or decent people to watch my children while I go out during the day, or who can move my name up on the waiting list for the nursing program that's closest to my house).  I feel like I've done pretty well for myself in a new town, and online.  Maybe it's time I recognize that thirty-something is no longer young,  but what is the inbetween called, because I certainly don't feel old.

The Room Saga

A week or two ago, our daughter was in tears at bedtime because one of her friends said her room was "small and oldish."  This is my daughter's friend who has a little of a mean girl slant to her, but also has some great qualities, too.  Our daughter has gotten in with her and another girl and the drama ensues, regularly . . . much too regularly for my comfort in first grade.  

My husband and I subsequently discussed how the room situation for our children is a little out of whack.  Our daughter sleeps in the small room with a twin bed, but the boys' train table and toys in her room and also the four year old's clothes in the closet.  (When we moved to this house, I had intended for the small room to be the four year old's because he's the middle child and I thought he could use his own space, before our daughter needed her own room, but he didn't want to sleep in there alone and we haven't yet changed the closets).  In our discussion we recognized the potentially tough situation we'd be putting ourselves in if we immediately bought her what she needed in order to face her friend.  (One of the other complaints about her room was that she doesn't have a tv in her room, but we refuse to budge on that, ever, so she'll have to get over that one).  Also, how do we address the lesson here that there will always be people who have things nicer and better than you, or people who don't like what you have, so what you need is to be happy with what you have/are, and you'll be fine, etc.  

With that said, we found a smokin' deal on craigslist for a bed, 6-drawer dresser and nightstand.  So we bought it.  We put it together last night and it looks great!!  But there's one problem, we have a twin mattress and the bed frame is for a full.  

Ironically, I think she still likes it.  

Gender equality

On our way home from a picnic yesterday, my four year old asked me, "Mom, is there a Mississippi Road?"

Me: "Yes, there's also a Mississippi River."

Him:  "Is there a Mister-sippi River?"

Me: "No."

Him:  "No fair."

Chop Chop Ziggy Ziggy

Yesterday was haircut day at my house.  I cut the two boys, and then took the scissors to my own hair.  I don't really have the patience to get my hair cut professionally anymore - I hate scheduling appointments, then scheduling a sitter or coordinate with my husband to watch kiddos, and then the cost. . . forget it!!  So I hacked it myself with help from our niece.  I was pleased to have it off my neck and I didn't have to pay from my neck.  Everyone's happy.

Friday night was the auction/raffle for my 4 year-old's preschool, and guess what I won.  You guessed it, not one, but TWO haircuts.

I think the hair gods are trying to tell me something.  

Marathon

Well, I did it!  I successfully completed my first marathon, and I loved it (the running part).  Afterwards, I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself, but the 26.2 was very fun.  I ran most of the race with a friend I've been training with and that was wonderful.  I've never run a race with another person, let alone one I've trained with for four months.  It was a nice capstone.  

My dear friend joined me on the course for a couple of miles which was so much fun.  Our club coach and another member of our team came and ran the last couple of miles with us.  I'm pretty convinced that 26.2 isn't such a big deal (mileage itself), it's being alone with your thoughts for 4+ hours (which is extremely rare in my case), so it was great to have people to run with.  It was also great to see my family along the route.  

Later in the day, I was exhausted, and slept for three hours, and then promptly forgot that we have a hot tub.  That could have helped the recovery a little.  Monday and Tuesday after the race, I could barely make it down the stairs, my quads were so sore.  Wednesday was even better, and after a massage on Thursday (one hour on just my legs), Friday I feel back to normal.  

I think I've found a new/old hobbie.  New, because I've never run that far before, and old because I've always been a runner.  When I was a sprinter in high school, I used to fake injury if our training run was anything over a mile, now 8miles is an easy run.  If my coach could only see me now.