. . . just like I love every other day (or try to at least). I love this day, not for the wonderful surprises one might expect, but simply for the opportunity to set apart a day for LOVE. It's a great thing when you stop to think about it. I know, every day ought to be about love, but there's just a different feeling when everyone thinks about it at the same time, all day long.
We don't get worked up at our house about big gifts, or gifts at all for that matter. I like to buy my children a t-shirt they can wear on this day, and I usually find a book for each of them, but not much beyond that. The real gift is watching my children make their own valentines for their classmates. I was so excited to watch #2 write his whole name on each heart, about 25 times, and he actually seemed to be enjoying himself. That's a gift in and of itself. I loved watching #1 heft her bag home and feel grateful that there's a new rule in school, bring a valentine for each child in the class, so it's not a popularity contest like I remember this day as a child. There are only 15 children in her class, so it's not like there's a much room for a contest, but still.
I hate the way this day has turned into a frenzy. Buy these roses, chocolates (my goodness, the lines in the chocolate shops today was unreal!!), pjs, "to show that special someone you really care." My husband left for work before I woke up this morning, and is still there at 9:53pm. We took him dinner (a heart shaped pizza with heart pepperoni, salad and cupcake), and maybe I'll see him before I fall asleep, but if I don't, I'm confident in his love for me. I don't need a day dictated by whomever to tell me I'm loved, I already know that.
But I've come a long way.
It was Valentine's day eleven years ago when my husband, then, an acquaintance in the apartment complex, called to ask me out. Well, at this time, there was a popular book called The Rules out which dictated the rules of dating. It was all a big game with rules like: if you didn't get asked out by Wednesday for that Friday, you're busy (that's what you would tell said guy), even if you were going to sit home by yourself. So he called, and my best friend/roommate told him I was busy (because it was Valentine's day and I should have been busy) and we proceeded to do absolutely nothing. It was a horrible day because I couldn't grasp these so-called rules, like I'm sure many teenage & twenty-something guys and girls who get so let down on days like this. Darn those marketers who convince the general population that this day is a big deal, and you better go all out, and if you don't, you're a loser.
How about enjoying what you have and who you have to spend it with, huh? Isn't that enough?
That's Rule #1 in my book.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Dinner Time!!!
I heard a story on NPR this morning that has made me think, all day. I often hear stories that give me pause, many things are interesting and help me get beyond the minutia of my day, but this story caused me to reevaluate my role as a mother more than anything I have read/heard in a long time.
The story had to do with how time spent at the family dinner table is the greatest predictor of success in a child's life. I've heard this a lot, but dismissed it because my husband gets home too late from work to eat together as a family. I realized there's nothing stopping me from sitting down with my children at the table to have a meal with them instead of standing over them at the island while they eat and I do stuff. I'm sure the results are the same for single parents, the point is time spent with your children.
Over the years, I have found many excuses not to sit down with them:
1. they think the food I like is disgusting, and I don't really feel like eating Mac & Cheese (even though I claim not to be a short order cook, there are very few meals that all of us like)
2. in order for a good evening, I like to feed them around 5-5:30, and I'm not really hungry that early
3. if I sit down with them they constantly ask for things, so I'm standing more than I'm able to sit
4. sometimes it's hard to have 4 different plates of leftovers hot at the same time, so "you eat when your food's ready"
I'm sure I could come up with a million other excuses to continue doing what I've done in the past, but I figure I'm lucky enough to start this now and make it a habit, not when they're 16, 14, & 12.
So I started tonight. This time, the food I made, really was disgusting. #2 wanted drumsticks when we went to Trader Joe's today, but I hate meat on the bones, (especially chicken because all the veins show through), thus I'm not very skilled at this type of preparation. I put it in the crockpot with some cream of chicken soup, and it was gross!!!! Despite the grossness, the four of us sat and talked (well, three of us sat, #3 was done before I finished cutting). #1 told me about her Chinese new year celebration at school, and the significance of dragons and lanterns. I usually ask her on the way home from school to tell me what was fun about her day, or what she had for lunch, or who she sat next to, or what specials she had (I keep asking until she starts talking), but this time, I could actually look at her face while she was talking, instead of having her look at the back of my head while I'm driving. I felt like I actually had time for her and the boys, there was no where else I had to be, and it was GREAT!!!
If you don't already do this with your family, I highly recommend it.
The story had to do with how time spent at the family dinner table is the greatest predictor of success in a child's life. I've heard this a lot, but dismissed it because my husband gets home too late from work to eat together as a family. I realized there's nothing stopping me from sitting down with my children at the table to have a meal with them instead of standing over them at the island while they eat and I do stuff. I'm sure the results are the same for single parents, the point is time spent with your children.
Over the years, I have found many excuses not to sit down with them:
1. they think the food I like is disgusting, and I don't really feel like eating Mac & Cheese (even though I claim not to be a short order cook, there are very few meals that all of us like)
2. in order for a good evening, I like to feed them around 5-5:30, and I'm not really hungry that early
3. if I sit down with them they constantly ask for things, so I'm standing more than I'm able to sit
4. sometimes it's hard to have 4 different plates of leftovers hot at the same time, so "you eat when your food's ready"
I'm sure I could come up with a million other excuses to continue doing what I've done in the past, but I figure I'm lucky enough to start this now and make it a habit, not when they're 16, 14, & 12.
So I started tonight. This time, the food I made, really was disgusting. #2 wanted drumsticks when we went to Trader Joe's today, but I hate meat on the bones, (especially chicken because all the veins show through), thus I'm not very skilled at this type of preparation. I put it in the crockpot with some cream of chicken soup, and it was gross!!!! Despite the grossness, the four of us sat and talked (well, three of us sat, #3 was done before I finished cutting). #1 told me about her Chinese new year celebration at school, and the significance of dragons and lanterns. I usually ask her on the way home from school to tell me what was fun about her day, or what she had for lunch, or who she sat next to, or what specials she had (I keep asking until she starts talking), but this time, I could actually look at her face while she was talking, instead of having her look at the back of my head while I'm driving. I felt like I actually had time for her and the boys, there was no where else I had to be, and it was GREAT!!!
If you don't already do this with your family, I highly recommend it.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
When Yes may mean Yes, but probably means No
For the record . . . I HATE ballot measures.
In my life before motherhood, I was the Voter Outreach Coordinator for the state. I worked in the Elections Office and was highly involved in elections on a non-partisan level (even though I worked for a Republican administration). It was there when I realized the craziness of ballot measures, be they referenda or initiatives (there is a difference).
An initiative is a proposal to enact a law. A referendum seeks to repeal a law before it takes effect; the electorate is asked to decide on the law just as the Legislature and governor did (from an article on California gaming ballot measures).
My frustration stems from the way ballot measures always seem to be full of double negatives and legal jargon that the average Joe can't make heads or tails of, let alone decide if they want to vote yes or no. My husband and I spent so much time talking and researching the language of certain ballot measures that our votes still canceled each other because I meant to vote no and voted yes. He knows people in his office who purposefully skipped over those particular issues because they were too confusing . . . for an attorney, they didn't even make sense!!! How is this even possible? (Please no lawyer jokes here, I'm married to one.) That aside, how do the election gods expect Joe Average, working at the drive thru at McDonalds, making $8/hour (yes I am making assumptions about people who hold low level service jobs, but insert any job that requires a high school diploma or equivalent) to vote on something that doesn't make sense to the highly educated, six figure income members of the population (now it may seem like I'm assuming that salary is directly proportional to smarts, but I know better)? The beauty of our system is that Joe Average's vote counts just as much as the highly educated person, however when it doesn't make sense to either one and no one in between, how does that help anyone???
Having been involved in drafting legislation, I know these things are riddled with attorneys. I know that members of state legislatures have legal counsel to write and advise when drafting legislation. Laws go through many drafts and committees and tweaking, but when I vote for a state legislator, I subscribe to the theory that I'm voting for the person who I think will do the best job and make the best decisions with the information they have with the best intentions for their constituents. I expect them to research the issues and use good judgment in voting. I elect someone to do that because I don't have the means to do that myself. It's not my time or season for serving in that way right now. It's their job to address the issues.
So it makes my blood boil when ballot measures come up on election day because while some people think it's a great way for people to take part, I say "Baloney!!!" Ballot measures are so twisted that people skip them all together, feel one way and vote only to find out later they should have voted the other way, or just vote all yes or all no on principle. Once again, how does this help us? I thought we lived in a representative democracy.
For the record, I politely decline to sign any petitions when approached outside Trader Joe's or place where registered voters may frequent. And it's not because I may have one to three children with me at any given time sitting patiently/screaming/fighting, I tell them I don't want to vote for anything on the ballot but candidates.
In my life before motherhood, I was the Voter Outreach Coordinator for the state. I worked in the Elections Office and was highly involved in elections on a non-partisan level (even though I worked for a Republican administration). It was there when I realized the craziness of ballot measures, be they referenda or initiatives (there is a difference).
An initiative is a proposal to enact a law. A referendum seeks to repeal a law before it takes effect; the electorate is asked to decide on the law just as the Legislature and governor did (from an article on California gaming ballot measures).
My frustration stems from the way ballot measures always seem to be full of double negatives and legal jargon that the average Joe can't make heads or tails of, let alone decide if they want to vote yes or no. My husband and I spent so much time talking and researching the language of certain ballot measures that our votes still canceled each other because I meant to vote no and voted yes. He knows people in his office who purposefully skipped over those particular issues because they were too confusing . . . for an attorney, they didn't even make sense!!! How is this even possible? (Please no lawyer jokes here, I'm married to one.) That aside, how do the election gods expect Joe Average, working at the drive thru at McDonalds, making $8/hour (yes I am making assumptions about people who hold low level service jobs, but insert any job that requires a high school diploma or equivalent) to vote on something that doesn't make sense to the highly educated, six figure income members of the population (now it may seem like I'm assuming that salary is directly proportional to smarts, but I know better)? The beauty of our system is that Joe Average's vote counts just as much as the highly educated person, however when it doesn't make sense to either one and no one in between, how does that help anyone???
Having been involved in drafting legislation, I know these things are riddled with attorneys. I know that members of state legislatures have legal counsel to write and advise when drafting legislation. Laws go through many drafts and committees and tweaking, but when I vote for a state legislator, I subscribe to the theory that I'm voting for the person who I think will do the best job and make the best decisions with the information they have with the best intentions for their constituents. I expect them to research the issues and use good judgment in voting. I elect someone to do that because I don't have the means to do that myself. It's not my time or season for serving in that way right now. It's their job to address the issues.
So it makes my blood boil when ballot measures come up on election day because while some people think it's a great way for people to take part, I say "Baloney!!!" Ballot measures are so twisted that people skip them all together, feel one way and vote only to find out later they should have voted the other way, or just vote all yes or all no on principle. Once again, how does this help us? I thought we lived in a representative democracy.
For the record, I politely decline to sign any petitions when approached outside Trader Joe's or place where registered voters may frequent. And it's not because I may have one to three children with me at any given time sitting patiently/screaming/fighting, I tell them I don't want to vote for anything on the ballot but candidates.
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